Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
