dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
