we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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