goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
