it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
