meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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