I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
