Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
