ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
