don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
