Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
