Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
