i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My dick has a subreddit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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