Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
