hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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