I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
