just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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