I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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