I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
