THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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