one word: firstdatebathroomanal
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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