Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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