The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
