I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
