And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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