Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
