I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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