He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
