I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
