i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
