i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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