Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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