I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
