did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
