Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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