I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
