i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
