if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
