I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
