I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
