hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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