Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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