He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
