I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
