This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
