guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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