There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
