Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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