Please, let me fuck your mom
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
