this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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