As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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