Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
