First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
