Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
