You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
