dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
