Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
