He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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