we have pet lesbian snakes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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