I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
