OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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